Blended Family Talk

BlendedFamilyTalk.com has recently received a lot of good feedback regarding our last post on whether you would consider adopting outside your race.  We have been contacted by producers at a major network station who are putting together a new reality show about Blended Interacial Families.  The network is looking for a dynamic, large family, who has ideally come together within  the last year.  If you feel this is your family or anything similiar, please contact us at info@BlendedFamilyTalk.com or use our Contact Form here, so we can connect ou with the casting directors of this very special project.  If you feel like you have something to contribute to this project, we would love to hear from you.

Never before has there been so many images of multi-racial families since Brangelina hit the scene in 2005.  Actress, Angelina Jolie gained media attention when she adopted an Asian boy named Maddox while she was still married to Billy Bob Thornton.  Shortly after, Angelina became an official Ambassador for Cambodia, and six years later, the actress now shares a multi-racial brood of 6 with her now mate, Brad Pitt.  She and Pitt are known for their philanthropic work for Africa and other third world countries.

Since then, Hollywood has followed their lead with Madonna adopting a boy from Africa.  So the question I have for this post is: “Would you adopt outside of your race, even though you have your own children?  There are many things to consider; cultural differences, language, social status, the child’s personal needs, the list goes on.  If you adopt a Black or Asian child, are you hurting them by taking them out of the environment they are familiar with?   Or, are you helping them by showing them another side of life and a brighter future?

With all of that being said, I believe I would do so if the opportunity presents itself.  Why?  I think God put us here to co-exist with each other and to teach each other life lessons.

What are your thoughts on this subject?  We would really like to know.

Well I guess I’m at a crossroads here.  My relationship with my siginificant other is not working out and he has been asked to move out.  In the middle of all this mess are 2 children … his.  Now that they are finally comfortable enough with me to talk and show affection with me, their dad has decided to act like a jackass.  This sucks majorly.  This is the first time I have ever dated anyone with kids, and I don’t think I will be able to do so again. It’s been too much of a roller coaster ride the past year.  Getting to know him … getting to know his children … his teen daughter not wanting to be close to me out of loyalty to her mom.  We get through all of that, and now this.  I’m pissed off, sad, and disapointed.  I can’t go through this again.

Enough said.

You’ve met your soul mate and are so grateful to get this second chance at love.  Your siginificant other has a child or children of their own, and you love them like your own.  The next logical step would be to consider adopting your step kids, especially if the biological parents are no longer in the picture.Â

Adoption is never easy, but a whole new set of rules apply to adopting stepkids. Generally, a step parent may adopt their step children only in the situation where the other biological parent has given up the rights to the child or has passed away. For example, if a woman has two children and she remarries then the new husband and step dad will only be able to adopt the step children if the biological father gives up his parental rights or is no longer alive. Also, there are some situations where a step parent may adopt a step child even without the consent of the biological parent if that parent has not had contact with the child for some period of time as well as other reasons. As a matter of fact, adoption of step children is strictly prohibited in Australia.Â

The very first thing you will need to do is talk about the adoption with your spouse and the child. However, I would suggest having a long, heart felt talk with yourself to see if your really up to the challenge.  Remember when actress, Halle Berry was married to R and B singer, Eric Benet?  Benet was a widower with a then 11 year old daughter.  Before the couple wed, Halle often spoke of adopting Benet’s daughter since the little gir’s mother was deceased, but this is something that never happened during the 2 year marriage.  After the couple divorce, Eric bitterly complained that Halle had cut off all ties with his daughter and that she didn’t deserve to be treated like this.  Unfortunately, Benet was right and his daughter was left to deal with the pain on her own.  Find out how the entire family feels about the adoption and if the child really likes the idea as well. Remember that this will impact the childs life so make his opinion on the subject the most important.   Make sure you always are always putting the child’s best intentions first.

Your next step would be to speak with an adoption lawyer in your state who is aware of the protocol for step parents adopting step children. Gather all the necessary information and prepare for some challenges along the way especially if the biological parent does not give consent despite not taking part in the childs life. A step parent wanting to adopt a step child is a very special thing indeed. Although it can take a lot of effort, time, and money, if it is something that means a lot to you and the step child then keep working at it. Eventually the adoption will take place and the new family can live happily ever after.

As if being the new member in a blended family isn’t hard enough, it’s all the more difficult if the kids tend to like a lot or be sneaky about a lot of things. My significant other’s daughter tends to lie a lot.  He remains in denial because I’m sure he feels guilt about not being able to be with his kids full time anymore, but I don’t feel he is doing her a service by letting her get away with lying all the time.  I feel it teaches her to be dishonest.  She is so used to getting away with it because of the lack of comminication between her mom and dad.  However, we saw proof of how much damage she could cause this summer with all the lying and sneakiness.

I simply don’t tolerate it.  I call her on it each and everytime she does it. I explained to her that she is cheating herself of good relationships with other people with all of the lying. It makes her a nontrustworthy person.  I don’t know if the talk will sink in just hope, but I want it to be clear to her that she cannot disrupt our household by causing silly dram and lying all the time.  Luckily, my mate is very open with me and we are currently working on making our family bonds stronger than ever.  The kids will just have to get with the program.

One of the most well kown blended families are Will Smith and his family.  Most well known because they are in the public eye, of course, but I’m sure that didn’t make it easier.  Actor Will Smith got married to Sheree zambino while he was still on the “Fresh Prince of Belair”.  Soon after, the couple had a son named Trey.  The couple divorced in 1995 and Will moved on actress, Jada Pinckett Smith.  The couple married in 1998 and started their very own Blended Family.

Jada has publicly admitted that it wasn’t always easy, especially in the beginning, but she was determined to make it work and embrace Trey as her own son.  Jada also felt it was essictial to embrace Trey’s bilogical mother, Sheree.  She insists that Sheree be involved in all family functions and Sheree is a regular presence in their home, even after Will and Jada went on to have two children of their own.

Sounds like a fairy tale, huh?  Somehow, I think their reality is far from a fairy tale.  In 2004, the famous Hollywood couple developed a sitcom based on their blended family, called “All of Us”.  The show centered story lines on the new couple dealing with the biological mother or even the biological mother dating again.  I guess I write this article to say that with a lot of hard work, devotion and some blessings from God, we all have the possibility of having that fairy tal ending with our own blended families.